A Random Musing

I have severely neglected this blog. I had some small adventures not related to human trafficking, but nothing that would make for a coherent post. The fact that I had to write a sentence like that is a surreal musing in itself, but not the main point of this update.

I'm assuming that everyone reading these posts knows I do--or did--a lot of writing. One reason I wanted to come to Japan was because I love manga, and wanted to do a manga-style story focused on girls' hockey that would take place in Japan. I needed experience with the culture and all that junk. (Related aside: I saw a girl with hockey equipment in my station earlier this week.)

I'm not a fan of my job, but it is giving me the opportunity to be around a variety of kids (and adults). In the last month or so, I've been coaching a handful of kids in public speaking. It gives me more one-on-one time with them verses having six of them shoved into a room with me against their will. (Although, I think kids can tell that I don't want to be there either, so we've come to a sort of understanding, ha ha.)

The musing is more of a two-parter:

First, when I'm standing there with a horrifically shy, 9yo girl glued to my side because she's deathly afraid to speak in front of others, there is the realization that I'm old enough to be her mother. It's a sombering feeling. Well... that's too depressing, but it is eye-opening and a little uncomfortable knowing if I'd lived my life normally I'd have a kid about that age.

Uncomfortable more because time goes quick, and I did think I'd have a kid by now. I can with all honesty say that me 10 years ago would not have thought I'd be sitting in a small Japanese city I've never heard of, studying for some weird government test because of frustrations over human trafficking. I guess neither did the me on May 19th, but, yeah, curveball.

Second, because I'm around kids a lot and related to the first realization, I'm much more aware of just how horrific some of my characters' backstories are. And, I mean, I knew it was absolutely terrible, that was part of the point, but... yikes.

So, I think what I'm getting at is that sometimes it's good to sit back and age. It's good to gain more world/life experience, and to gain additional perspective. With stories especially, we get really excited and rush through a draft or planning or something. And that's important, because it gives you a launching point, but I also think that it's important to age a bit. (With some stories/characters anyway.)

The two examples I have are my stories MI and Rebs. MI, as a vague idea, is over 20 years old, and the first time it was written down was 17 years ago. I was the same age as the protagonists. I knew it was violent, and what they were doing was abnormal and all that jazz, but it didn't really click. It did a little more when I rewrote it, in my late teens-early 20s, but I was divorced from people in that age bracket.

Now, I'm older than the protagonists' parents by a couple of years, and I see kids 4-21 almost daily. 4-21. That "21" is an important one to note, because in-story, that's the age many of the protagonists get married, or start having kids. I can't even imagine that. Half the time I'm focused on just getting the 21yos comfortable enough to talk out loud. (Being around this age is helping a lot with FT too.)

Most of the kids I deal with are 10-11. That's how old MI's Farrah and Dionne were when they lost their mom. That was how old Farrah was walking out of the American desert, and how old Dionne was when she started to plot rebellion. Nevada was not that much older. And... just Nevada at 13-14 was all kinds of yikes. I knew that back as a kid.

That's how old any of the characters in Rebs. were during one of the key monstrous points in their life. I had picked 11 purposely because it was young. There is more agency at 11, but it is still really, really young. I mean, when I'm coaching an 11yo girl on how to poke her fingertips discreetly with her fingernails to keep from going numb and to avoid clutching the hem of her shirt for dear life because in a couple weeks a bunch of people will be staring at her and judging her while she delivers a speech, you do realize how young she is. And, I also realize that Rebs.' Alouette was the same age when she hid in a buffalo carcass to avoid being murdered.

I haven't exactly liked this move. Part of it probably had to do with Risk, but a lot was the job and the parts of the culture I just can't handle (like child porn and "suicide season"). I was derailed from finding some semblance of... I guess ordinary, after the whole human trafficking thing. That gave me a goal, but it wasn't really something I could point at and go "yep, glad I went there". Gaining this additional perspective might be though. Because, if I can write these characters with this new insight, it'll make them stronger and make the stories better. The dark grays get a bit darker, so all the colors get a bit brighter sort of thing.